Portal Truth Or Dare of awesomeness
by DudeguyTheWriter
Summary: I haven't seen any of these, so yeah. Portal Truth or Dare. Send a dare, ask a question, make a request. I read ALL the reviews. This isn't in script form either. T for safety, I have no idea what your sick minds can come up with. xD
1. Chapter 1

Portal Truth or Dare

The teen walked into GLaDOS' gigantic test chamber, his shaggy brown hair combed down. He sweeped the room with cobalt blue eyes, and then looked toward the camera, saying with a smile, "Hey, nobody!"  
>A small metal ball interrupted him. "Why'd you say nobody, mate?"<br>The male gave the tiny ball a look. "Because that's how many people read my Fanfiction."

The ball, also known as Wheatley, rolled his one blue eye.

"Well, as I was saying, welcome to the first ever (at least that I know of) Portal Truth or Dare! I'm your host, DudeguyTheWriter!"  
>There was a silence, because nobody was in the audience. A tall woman in a white top and orange jumpsuit bottom sniggered to herself.<p>

"Chell, shut up," The boy said to her scathingly. Wheatley interjected, "OH! HAhaha, I see what you did there. Because, youknow, she can't talk and all.." The famous AI GlaDOS turned her gigantic semisphere head to the ball. "You really are a moron."  
>"I killed you, so ha."<p>

Chell glowered.

"Sorry, we. We kil- "

"SPACE! !" The space core interrupted.

"Will somebody shut him up?" The boy asked. GLaDOS obliged, covering the core with an Aperture Science Sound Eradicating Dome.  
>GLaDOS said, "What he meant to say was, you're easy to forget, seeing as you don't talk. Not your fault though."<br>Chell ignored this, as she was used to GLaDOS' insults.

"Ohkay, I think we should start now." Now, let's meet our guests. You all have already met Wheatley, Chell and GLaDOS. " The three nodded as their names were called. "We also have the cores from Portal 1 and 2. In this order: Morality, Curiosity, Cake…Logic..Intelligence.. Whatever it is, Anger, Space, Fact, and Adventure. We also have the 'Different' Turret."  
>"Don't make lemonade!"<p>

"Hey! That's my line. This has been a prerecorded message by Cave Johnson."  
>"How do you even know that?" The boy asked the turret.<br>"The answer lies below us!"

"Okay, quiet."

"Okay.."  
>So. You all know the drill. Ask any of the characters something, or dare them. I'll keep you occupied with a couple of mine. GLaDOS!"<br>"What is it."  
>"What's your name stand for?"<br>"It stands for Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System."  
>"Waaait.. Does that mean.. You're a DvD player?"<p>

GlaDOS stared. She was silent. Wheatley burst out laughing. Chell sniggered.

"Haha, okay, another one. Fact core!"  
>"Yes. I will answer you. That is a fact."<br>"Why are you the most handsome core?"  
>"Fact: The fact core is the most handsome core because of his fluorescent pink eye."<br>The adventure core responded, "Pink is gay."  
>The fact core retorted angrily, "Fact: The adventure core is too mainstream."<br>"Oh, so now you're what, a HIPSTER?"  
>As the two balls broke into a failing argument, DudeguyTheWriter turned to the audience, telling them "Okay, that'!"<p>

The screen faded to black as a jazzy version of "Still Alive" played.


	2. Chapter 2

The screen faded back to GLaDOS; chamber while a jazzy version of "Still Alive played." DudeguyTheWriter turned around, having been in a conversation with GLaDOS about science.  
>"Oh, we're back. Okay, so to my reviewer, Ray Fox!"<p>

A few hobos clapped.

"You're a failure at audiences," GLaDOS commented.

"Oh be quiet. So, here's Ray's review: 

Ray Fox:Oh cool. A truth or dare.

GLaDOS- I just want to say you are remarkably witty and I like you a lot.  
>Okay, my question: Is Caroline (aka you) related to Chell? (as in daughter,<br>niece, ect.)

Wheatley-You are by far my favorite character from this series, second  
>overall. So, a big hug goes to you, my favorite metal ball. I also love your<br>voice. I dare you to talk to GLaDOS non-stop for the entire chapter and she  
>cannot blow you up.<p>

Space- I dare you not to say anything about space for the entire chapter. (air  
>does count as space)<p>

Adventure (aka Rick)- Here is an Indianna Jones hat for you.

Chell- Here is cake. (black forest cake, your favorite)

Fact- How is the Adventure Sphere a blowhard and a coward?

Oracle Turret- Why are you different?

That's all I can think of. Till next time.

-Ray

Well, that's something. So, GLaDOS?"  
>GLaDOS simply replied, "Thank you, and of course not. Chell is simply a test subject who is too stubborn to die. Besides, Caroline's dead. "<br>Chell ignored this, as she was eating the delicious non-lie cake.

And another thi-" GLaDOS was interrupted by Wheatley attempting to talk nonstop.

"BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH. BLAHDY BLAHDY BLAHBLAHBLAH!"

GLaDOS simply put an Aperture Science Sound Dampening Dome on the little annoying ball.

"You didn't say I couldn't shut him up."

"S…Spa-" The space core got shocked. Literally. The space core was silent for a second, then burst into oil tears.

"Is that even possible?" Dudeguy asked.

"With science, anything is possible." GLaDOS replied.

"Well, nice going Ray. You made the little guy cry. I'll fix it.." Dudeguy sighed and shoved the little space-obsessed sphere into a trash bag. The space core was overcome by the awe of being in a space with no stars.

"Easy as cake." Dudeguy joked, watching Chell snarf down the cake.

"OOH, and ADVENTURE HAT!" The green-eyed core then began scatting the Indiana Jones theme.

"TANDADANDAAAAAA, DUN DADAAAAAAAA! DUN DADANDAAAA! TANDADAAADAAADAA!"

The Adventure core was interrupted by the Fact core answering Ray's question.

"12 12 12 12 12 12…"

"Must I shut EVERYONE up?" GLaDOS rolled her eye.

"I'm different because some people, even robots, are all special inside."  
>About 3 or 4 hobos went "Awwww."<p>

"Ookay, that's it for Ray's review! Now for the other one, sent in by.."

There was silence.

"SENT BY!" Dudeguy yelled at the ceiling, making a sleepy Derpy Hooves fall from atop GLaDOS. She gave Dudeguy the letter, and flew off in a erratical pattern. Dudeguy opened it.

"*walks in with a covered box and keyboard* Dudeguy! I shall join you! I  
>brought my own portal gun! *waves around portal gun*"<br>Um, that's great JuneFiction909, but can you give me something to work with? Maybe an OC I can use in your stead or something? Or at least a description. If you see this, you'll definitely be in next chapter. Put it EVERYTHING that I need to know. Which is EVERYTHING." The boy chuckled a bit. "Okay, on to the review."

"GLADOS- Is there any way for the cores, and Wheatley, to become human, not  
>android?"<br>"I doubt it. I've never tried it." Mused GLaDOS.

"Chell- *opens the box I came in with* I brought cake!"  
>Chell immediately nommed the cake until it was non-existent.<p>

"Fact Core- Fact: This sentence is false...*snickers and then stares at GLADOS*"  
>GLaDOS immediately spun in circles, chanting "Don'tthinkaboutit don'tthinkaboutit<br>don'tthinkaboutit!"  
>"12 12 12 12 12 12 12 12…"<p>

"Wheatley- *hugs him* I've always wanted to do this :)"  
>Wheatley would have smiled and blushed if he had a mouth.. or cheeks. Or nerves with which to create the process of blushing.<br>"Adventure- I dare you to go through a infinite portal loop and not bail out of  
>it!"<br>The Adventure core, still scatting the Indy theme, rolled into a infinite portal made by Dudeguy. It was hard to scat while plummeting infinitely.

"TAN

DAN

DA

DAAA

TAN

DA

DAAAA

TAN

DADAN

DAAAA

TAN

DA

DAAA

DAAA

DAAA!"  
>GLaDOS decided to pull a little prank, and fizzled on of the portals, sending the Adventure core rocketing into space. The space core peeked out and said, "Aww, howcome he gets to go to sp-ZZT-"<br>"AND...Space: *holds a space rock up in the air* Isn't this cool!"

"SP-ZZT- ROCK!" The small yellow-eyed core leaped at the rock, but instead hit GLaDOS in the face, attaching the two.

There was silence for a moment.

"MUST GO TO SPACE! SPACESPACESPACESPACE GOTTA SEE IT ALL! STARS STARS PLANETS NEBULAS GOTTA SEE IT ALLL!" GLaDOS went crazy, spinning in circles alarmingly fast.

"OH HOLY MOTHER OF NAYRU WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!" Dudeguy yelled at Chell, seeing as she was the only not-moron in the room.

"Hey, I'm not a moron!" Yelled Wheatley.

Somewhere in space… A giant wall with the number 4 on it.. exploded.

Chell simply walked over, and grabbed the Space core.

"That was anticlimactic. But I kinda like space." Said the prerecorded voice of Cave Johnson.

"Wow, that's specific." Said Dudeguy.

"It is, isn't it?" Replied another prerecorded message.

"Well, there's one more review, but I can't get to it. Weird. Well, I'll try to get it in in the next chappie. Byeee! Say goodbye, GLaDOS."  
>"Goodbye, GLaDOS."<br>Dudeguy sniggered.

"Well, the next chappy sees the appearance of Atlas and P-Body! I may have forgotten a few characters too, so gimme some! Oh, maybe we can fine Rattman..

OH, and while I'm here, do you guises think you can look at some of my other fanfictions? They're not bad and I need some reviews. " Dudeguy made a sad face. GLaDOS hit him on the head.

"Lol n00b."

The screen faded to black as "Exile Vilify" played. One could hear Dudeguy sobbing in the background.

"S…So beautiful…"


	3. Chapter 3

The screen faded in as "Exile Vilify" played. Dudeguy immediately wiped his eyes, lying "GLaDOS, put away the neurotoxin."

"What neurotoxin?"  
>"The neurotoxin you- Never mind."<br>Atlas chuckled in that Atlas-y tone, but was slapped on the back by his companion, P-body.

"Okay, we're gaining in popularity now. I think it's because for some reason, only Tod fics get all the reviews." Dudeguy looked annoyed.

"So, on to our business. I'm sorry, but after a look at some other ToD fics, I am sad to say that we can't be accepting OCs. Sorry, but I don't really want 10 extra characters."  
>About 20 people laughed.<br>"You actually got an audience. Better put that in your test file. Got.. Rid.. Of the hobos."

Dudeguy ignored this, and read the first Derpy-delivered review.

"Okay, here's msfcatlover's review."

"Stop it, stop it, I'm typing? See? My fingers are on the keys...

Erm...Craft wants in on this. She's my OC core...obsessive about art, bossy...not dumb just a weird mixture of OCD and ADD. I've got a picture on her optic on my deviantArt page if you need it."  
>"Yeah, sorry about that. No OCs. She sounds like a good one though."<p>

"Few things I was wondering about:

How can Space jump if he has no legs?"  
>"Haha, I knew someone was gonna ask this. Well what he did was he rolled onto his face and contracted those handle things, making him leap a few feet in the air."<p>

"Why are some of the lines cut off midline?"  
>"They only are when someone is interrupt-"<br>"Like this!" Said Wheatley.  
>"Thank you, Captain Obvious."<br>"I'm Wheatley, not that guy you're talking about."

"Why does the amount of space between the lines change so often?"  
>"For effect. Sometimes. I dunno. I'm doing an interview with a giant robot. Things don't make sense."<br>The audience laughed.

"And does anyone else worry Chell's going to get so much cake in this she atually will become as "gracious" as GLaDOS keeps insinuating?"

GLaDOS sniggered, as Chell immediately put down the cake.

"Sorry for the ones on your writing...typos and inconsistencies bother me..."  
>"Not a problem. Those kind of reviews are welcome too." Dudeguy said happily.<p>

"Okay, next one's from Shelby."

"why not give the companion cube a knife so that it wont stab us lawl"  
>Dudeguy stared, his face blank. He then pulled an incredibly stupid face and said in a Patrick Star-ish voice,<br>"What's a period lol?"  
>The audience burst into laughter.<p>

"But, we must give the companion cube a knife too keep it from stabbing us." He put on the face and voice again. "Makes total sense."

A knife was placed on the companion cube. It fell off.

Silence.

"That was disappointing," commented Wheatley.

"Next review, from Curtisimo."  
>"hmm... alright then. lets do this (LEEEROOOOOOOY!)."<br>"JEEENKIINS!" Screamed an adventurey voice from space.

"Heheh, Rick knows his internet." Said Dudeguy.

'GLaDOS: You realize you CAN die, right? Aperture can only have so much uranium."

"I don't run on uranium. I run on electricity." Replied GLaDOS.

"Wheatley: What are your thoughts on "Why Wheatley Why" and "Wheatley's Song"?  
>Wheatley looked away guiltily. "I.. No comment."<br>"GLaDOS: Are all Aperture Science AIs based off a human personality?"  
>"No, only I am.. Was. I WAS based off of Caroline. Until I killed her."<br>"GlaDOS: Were you always insane, or did the cores drive you nuts?"  
>"True, they do drive me nuts, but I am not insane." GlaDOS rolled her large yellow eye.<br>"Chell: Pantomime the "M.I.L.K" song."  
>"Chell looked up the M.I.L.K song on Youtube, then mimicked it, doing the stupid dance that came with it, making everyone with a sense of humor in the room burst into laughter.<br>"Space: by the time the light from a star reaches you, the star is dead. Think about that."  
>The space core was too dumbfounded to speak. "But.. Space.. No.. Stars.. Space..?"<br>"Fact: what is the exact difference between sorcery, magic and wizardry?"  
>"12 12 12 12 12 12 12…"<br>Dudeguy facepalmed. "I gotta think up more original jokes.  
>"Adventure: most epic adventure?"<br>A voice yelled from space. "There was this oone time, When I was fighting this guy, and the mudic was all like Tan dan dan DAN tadada DAN DAN DAN DA!"  
>"Nobody cares, peabrain."<br>"Be quiet, lady!"  
>"Atlas and P-body: juggle each other's heads."<br>P-body looked to Atlas questioningly, who shrugged. They then began to juggle each other's heads.  
>"Anger: CALM THE FOCK DOWN."<br>""  
>"Curiosity: What's that?"<br>"Ooh, what's what? Wait.. What IS what? Like the word, what? What is a word? What does it look like? What does a sight look like?" The little ball then began rambling about anything and everything.  
>"Defective turret: What is your secret plan to rule the world?"<br>"Oi! Who's there!"  
>Click click click click.<p>

The turret caught on fire.

"Oh crap."  
>The turret exploded.<p>

"Well, there's one less annoying guest." Dudeguy commented.  
>"Different turret: Go read every Greek and Roman myth ever written."<br>The different turret did.  
>"Intelligence: talk in a peppy, high pitched voice."<br>"Take some –hachacha-

MILK and some

–hachattitycha-

FLOUR

AND SOME

–chachachachaa-

FISH

AND YOU PUT IT ALL TOGETHER

IN A REALLY NICE ENDEAVOR

and what do you get?

CAAAAAAAAKE!"

"You scare me, GLaDOS," Dudeguy said, weirded out by the sudden barber-shop song.

"Ookay, last review, from June again."

"( I of course will give an OC!)"  
>"Yeeah, no. Sorry. Changed my mind and whatnot." Dudeguy shrugged.<p>

(OC- Long black hair with silver streaks, black and blye tube top, silver leggings, black combat boots, silver fingerless fighting gloves, two twin katanas, a whole belt of knives, and long black painted fingernails! Yes, i'm not a hobo!)"  
>Even if I was accepting OCs, I'd like to know your OC's personality, not what color her fingerless fighting gloves are."<p>

The audience laughed.

"So, Fact Core, is it possible for you to not say FACT for two chapters and not go on a '12 12 12 12 12' spree?"  
>"Fact, no it is not. And the Fact core is not defecti- 12 12 12 12 12 12.."<p>

"GLaDOS, Is there any way for you to walk around as an android for this chapter?"  
>"Fine, I suppose." GLaDOS ' body went limp, as a tall, pale woman in a white lab coat walked in. Her short- clipped hair was pure white, and her black eyes swept the room, her yrllow pupils fixed on the giant body.<p>

"I never realized how gigantic I am." Said the remote GLaDOS.

"Wheatley, replace GLaDOS again, but don't try to murder us!"  
>"ALRIIGHT!" Wheatley immediately leaped into GLaDOS; headless body the same way Space did. The announcer also immediately said "Warning, central core overheaeted."<br>GLaDOS furrowed her eyebrows. "You haven't even been in two seconds and you've already done something stupid." GLaDOS flicked her hand, ejecting Wheatley out and making him smash into the wall.  
>"Curiosity, I thought a saw something shiny near Chell, lets go see what it is!"<br>"Ooh!" The small orange core rolled itself over to the shiny thing.

"Space Core do you want the moon rock I showed you?"  
>"11 11 11 11 11.."<br>"Okay, now I am seriously confused," Said Wheatley, now detaching himself from the wall.

Okay, that's all the reviews! I'll check up in a few days, so until then, see you guys next time! Okay guys, we gotta find Rattman.." Dudeguy said to the audience, turning his conversation to the group.

The screen faded to black as "Want You Gone" played. 


	4. Chapter 4

((AN: Warning, this chapter stretches over 9 pages. Get ready for some heavy literature.))

The screen faded to black as "Want You Gone" played. DudeguyTheWriter was currently doing some maintenance on a strange-looking metal mannequin. He immediately kicked it away, and spat out a couple of screws that were in his mouth.

"Oh hi there! Uhm, welcome to chapter 4 of our show! We'd better just get on with the reviews and whatnot."  
>"This is a serious improvement from the page-long descriptions of absolutely nothing." said GLaDOS, breaking what was left of the fourth wall.<p>

"Okay, next review, by Sullyz." Dudeguy took the letter from Derpy Hooves' mouth, and read it.  
>" Ok! On with the ToDs.<p>

Chell: Is it true that you can talk but you didn't because you didn't want to  
>give GLaDOS the satisfaction of an answer? If yes, please talk!"<br>Chell nodded, not saying anything.

"Space: What was up with the 11 11 11 11 11 thing?"  
>"Oh, he was just spazzing out. Defective cores do that." Replied GLaDOS.<p>

"GLaDOS: Is it possible to have non-lethal neurotoxin?"  
>GLaDOS rolled her eye. "That has to be the dumbest question I have ever heard. It's neuroTOXIN."<p>

"Chell: Design a test chamber and have android GLaDOS go through it!"

Chell smiled maliciously at the remote form of GLaDOS. GLaDOS looked scared.

* * *  
>After a long time, the test chamber was done. It was the hardest test chamber anyone had ever seen. Repulsion gel over an empty pit surrounded by black walls, turrets behind mesh lining the walls, crusher plates right in front of the exit, and multiple incinerators that you could fly into by accidentally getting on an Aerial Faith Plate. GLaDOS stood at the beginning of the test chamber, looking bored.<p>

"This is nothing. This will be a piece of cake." GLaDOS sneered. She took the portal gun, and aimed it at the far wall, shooting a portal there and one under her. She tumbled through. And landed perfectly under a Propulsion gel dispenser and a button. GLaDOS pressed the button, and all the Propulsion gel dispensers went crazy, covering the entire test chamber with the blue gook. GLaDOS happened to be covered in it too, but she didn't have an actual skeleton, so she was fine. Just then, something went "beep" and a panel shoved GlaDOS, thus sending her flying. She bounced around the room nonstop, screaming her head off.

"Okay, let's *snort* get back to GLaDOS later." Said Dudeguy. Chell was still watching the testing with glee.

"WHAT –bonk- DOES THI –whack- S HAVE TO –smack- DO WITH SC –donk- IENCE?"

"Space: Can you talk about Earth? Remember: Earth is in space."  
>"Space. I like space, space is nice. Earth. Earth is in space. Earth is a big space rock. Space space space."<p>

"Fact: Why is Craig the best name? Would you like to be named Craig?"  
>"Fact: The world's best name is Craig because the Fact core's name is Craig."<br>"Nepotiiiiist!" Yelled the adventure core from space.  
>"Curiosity: Ask GLaDOS if you can be in an android body to look around to find<br>things to ask about. Remember to say it's for science."

"Why?" asked the little orange core.  
>"Because it's the dare, Curiosity." replied Dudeguy.<p>

"Why is it the dare?"  
>"Because, Sullyz chose it."<br>"Why did she choose it?"  
>"Because she… or he wanted to see you as an android?"<br>"Why?"  
>"I DON'T KNOW!"<br>"Why don't you know?"  
>"BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING!"<p>

"Why?"  
>"AAAAAAAARGH"<p>

"GLaDOS: Say yes to curiosity being in an android body."

"Fine," said GLaDOS, as she put the core's personality into the form of a little orange-haired girl in an oversized hoodie.

"It's only a prototype, so be careful." Said GlaDOS.

"She looks quite cute, actually." mused Wheatley. Dudeguy read on.

"Wow. That was a lot."  
>"Not at all, actually. I've had to do longer ones." Said Dudeguy.<p>

" Ok, you don't have to use all or any so if you want you  
>can just use some. Thanks!"<br>"I use them all, every time." Dudeguy smiled.

"Okay, next review. From Arlequinn."  
>"GLaDOS - I dare you to sing "Want you gone"."<br>"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

"Well now it's GOTTA be rated T. Darn, and I was just gonna change it to K…" Said Dudeguy sadly.

"Someone get GLaDOS out."  
>Chell hit a button that flooded the entire test chamber with water. GLaDOS got up shakily, and exploded. Her large AI form reawakened.<br>"I am never doing that again." She glared at Chell.

"Now, I have to sing."  
>An electronic beat played for a few seconds, and then GLaDOS began singing in her autotuned voice:<p>

"Well here we are again

It's always such a pleasure

Remember when you tried to kill me twice?  
>Oh how we laughed and laughed<p>

Except I wasn't laughing

Under the circumstances

I've been shockingly nice

You want your freedom?

Taake iit.

That's what I'm counting on

I used to want you dead

But now I only want you gone…

She was a lot like you

Maybe not quite as heavy

Now little Caroline is in here too

One day they woke me up

So I could live forever

It's such a shame the same will never

Happen to you

You've got your short

Sad life left

That's what I'm counting on

I'll let you get right to it,

Now I only

Want you gone.

Goodbye my only friend

Oh, did you think I meant you?  
>That would be funny<p>

If it weren't so sad.

Well you have been replaced

I don't need anyone now

When I delete you maybe I'll

Stop feeling so... bad…"

Here GlaDOS' voice faltered slightly as Chell's eyes grew a bit wider.

"Go make some new disasters..

That's what I'm counting on

I'll let you get right to it

Now I only want you gone

Now I only want you gone

Now I only want

You gone…"  
>The entire room clapped as GLaDOS bowed... somehow.<p>

"OH GOD I AM NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN UNLESS I AM ALLOWED TO PARODY IT," Dudeguy yelled, flopping out of his chair, his fingers swollen and red.

"I had to type that from memory…"  
>"STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US ALL!" Yelled a random hobo from the audience.<p>

"Fine, fine." Agreed Dudeguy.

"Fact - What name would you choose if you could?"  
>"The fact Sphere's name IS Craig. The Fact Sphere has the best name. Rick is not the Adventure Sphere's real name. It is Shelby."<br>"Not truuueee!"

"Space - I dare you to talk everything you know about space."  
>:-THE FOLLOWING RANT ABOUT SPACE HAS BEEN TAKEN OUT DUE TO IT CAUSING EVERYONE EPILEPTIC SEIZURES.-;<p>

The camera showed the entire cast in fetal positions, save GLaDOS, who was simply trembling.

"Never… Never... Again… I will never watch another Nova documentary again… I am terrified of… Space!"

When Dudeguy uttered the word "space", everyone gave a small yelp. The little murderer known as the Space core was powered down, as he had used all his power for the space (yelp) rant.

"On... t-to the n-next... question…"

"Curiosity - Why you so curious?"

"Why am I so curious?" the little orange girl replied.  
>GLaDOS replied, "Because you are built that way."<br>"Why?"  
>"It was to fuel my curiosity so that I may be pushed further into the fields of science."<p>

"Why?"

"I am not going to continue this conversation."

"Chell - I dare you to talk."  
>The woman simply replied, "No."<p>

Everyone was surprised, but also disappointed. Chell put on her best trollface.

"Wheatley - Seriously, you are my favorite character so far, nothing against  
>the others but you is just my favorite."<p>

"Hahaha, I get this all the time. Where are YOUR fanboys, HM?" Wheatley yelled at GlaDOS. GlaDOS crushed him with a mashy spike plate. He fell through the ceiling in a completely new body.

"Thanks, luv! I needed a more refurbished body."  
>GLaDOS crushed him again.<p>

"Okay, while that's going on, let's get back TO THE STINKING SHOW, SHALL WE?"

The two AI immediately halted the one-sided fight.

"Atlas and P-Body - I dare you guys to read some others Portal fics."  
>Atlas and P-body went to search for a fanfiction. They came back with a rated M yaoi P-Atlas Fanfiction. Or whatever that pairing is called. They read it, and then both stared at each other.<p>

A whole minute passed.

Then they both burst into laughter at the thought of them having gay sex.  
>"Rick - Come back to Earth, singing "Still Alive"."<p>

The lights dimmed.

A light shone from above.

A deep, heavenly voice sang from above.

"I have a-triumphed!

I would make a note if

I had hands.

It's hard to overstate my pure awesomeness!

I am so epic

I do what I can

For the

Womans.

For the good of all of us

Except the ones I have PWN'D.

Now there's no sense crying because robots can't cry

Looking back I'm surprised tha-at I did not die

I've got adventures to fulfill

Hoping y'all will eat a dill…

Pickle."  
>"What?" Said Wheatley.<p>

"I ran outta rhymes, okay?" replied Rick.

"Blahdy blah blah

Still Alive."  
>Rick landed in his chair softly, as everyone applauded.<p>

"Cool fic btw."  
>"Heheh, thanks." Said Dudeguy who was still clapping for the amazing and talented Rick.<p>

Rick then transformed into the super-manly man of mannish manliness that he truly was, bursting into hot green flames as he did so. He looked like a combination of all things awesome: Indiana Jones mixed with Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Stephen Hawking (minus the retardedness), Jet Li, Jeff Bridges, Orson Welles, Lauren Faust (wait, what?), the Iron Giant, Superman and Batman, all mixed up into one hunk of an awesome man. Everyone applauded as he stood there, donning his totally original fedora.

"Why are we clapping? I don't even have han- I mean OMG RICK YOU ARE LIKE SOOO AWESOME I'D GO GAY FOR YOU!" Yelled the tiny, insignificant, small, minute, diminutive, petite metal sphere named Wheatley.

"Okay, what is going on?" Dudeguy stood up, looking around. He noticed the amazing Rick standing there, looking sexy, totally not hiding the keyboard behind his muscular back.

"That explains it." Dudeguy rolled his TOTALLY NOT AWESOME eyes.

"You're not fooling me, Rick. I'm the author, I'm ruled out of any false writing caused by someone stealing my keyboard. Now give it back."  
>"NO!"<br>"Yes, or I will make you a core again."  
>"You were going to leave me like this?"<br>"All sexiness aside, yes."  
>"Fiine." Rick, the awesomely amazing core-"Stop it."<br>"Fiiiiiiiine."  
>Rick handed Dudeguy the keyboard.<p>

"THERE WE GO. And by the way, Stephen Hawking was NOT retarded. Moron."  
>"I AM NOT A MORO- Oh, that was meant for him. Okay." Wheatley calmed down a bit.<p>

"Now on to the last review that I can see, from mrsfcatlover." Dudeguy looked at the letter he had stuffed in his right jeans pocket. He sat down in a chair that appeared under him, and read it.

"No OCs. Good to know."  
>Dudeguy nodded in assent.<p>

"Thank you for standing up for proper logic and puntuation on the internet."  
>"Yeah, that pretty much doesn't exist anymore." said Dudeguy sadly, looking at the camera.<p>

"I was actually inquiring about lines that went halfway across the page

and then randomly stopped and started on the next line. Like this. Maybe it's  
>just my computer, though."<br>"It is."

"Hmmm...Now that it's been brought up, I sorta want to see all the cores  
>android forms (assuming they're different. If not, I don't care all that<br>much.)"  
>"Oh wow, perfect timing." Dudeguy gave a huge grin, turning to the gargantuan AI. "GLaDOS, if you please."<p>

"Oh, you want to put them out now?"  
>"Mm-hmm."<br>"Very well then."  
>GlaDOS punched in a few buttons mentally, and a line of metal mannequins came out of the floor, around 8 in all.<p>

Dudeguy coughed, then put on a loud and cheesy voice, which is sadly in all caps.

"GOOOD MORNING..EVENING…AFTERNOON, APERTURE! ARE YOU READY FOR OUR LATEST PRODUCT?"  
>There was silence, except for a cricket noise that was on replay.<p>

"GLADOS, STOP MOCKING ME!" Dudeguy yelled, sounding happier than ever. The cricket noises stopped.

"NOW, LET'S CHECK THIS OUT!" Dudeguy literally slid over to the mannequins.

"INNTRODUCING, THE APRETURE…APRTURE…APETERE… APERTURE SCIENCE HUMANOID PERSONALITY CORE DEVICE!" Dudeguy gestured dramatically to the blank faced mannequins, standing perfectly erect.

"These wonderful devices were created by a collaboration of GLaDOS and yours truly! They will morph and change due to the overall personality of the core! Let's see a demonstration!" Dudeguy slid over to a computer monitor, where a diagram was onscreen. It showed a picture of Dudeguy's brain coming out of his head and floating over to a mannequin's body. The mannequin went black, and transformed into Dudeguy.  
>"This diagram shows how the procedure will work! I have already downloaded my complex personality into the mainframe, and our GLaDOS has kept it safe for me! It will be transferred into one of the mannequins, and will become an android version of me! In 3…2…1…GO, GLADOS!"<p>

GLaDOS again clicked a few buttons in her mind. A large cord snaked down from theceiling and attached to the back of one of the mannequin's heads. Electricity crackled through it, and it slowly opened it's grayish blue eyes. It's face began to rise and sink, it's features forming. They started to form a big forehead, a large and expressive mouth, and a round nose. Small brown hairs then sprouted out of it's scalp, growing longer and thicker until it was finished. The overall finish was a very shaggy, brown-haired, skin-colored robot.

"Oh jeez, I'm naked. Can we get the guy some clothes?"  
>A green T-shirt with the Tri-force emblem fell from the ceiling and onto the mannequin, followed by a pair of baggy jeans, which the mannequin put on accordingly. It was an exact replica of Dudeguy, except for a few minor changes. The robot had three dots on his right jaw, and he had the Aperture Science logo on the back of his neck. That, and he simply looked like a robot.<p>

"And there you-" Dudeguy was interrupted by his counterpart. "- Have it, folks! An extremely handsome replica of-"

"-Me!"

The mannequin exploded, much to the surprise of the audience.

"Well, we can't have two hosts, now can we?"  
>The audience laughed. GLaDOS rolled her eye and said disdainfully, "Can we just get on with this?"<br>"Okay. This'll have to be quick, because I've already made this chapter so very long."

7 long cords snaked out from the ceiling as men dressed in black suits plugged all 8 of the cores into their respective sockets in front of the mannequins. Instantly, all the multicolored optics on the cores closed.

Rick added, "You guys are gonna love being- Oh. Never mind."

They appeared to be dead. Then, one by one, the mannequin's eyes opened, each one a different color.

Their facial features changed, as did their clothing and hair.

Wheatley, the first to awaken, had deep cerulean eyes that were a little hollow. White hair streaked with grey sprouted from the top of his head. It was relatively short, but a little shaggy. Wheatley's overall look was an old, thrown-away core. He was wearing a sort of grey tux, with a large pin on the front that looked like his core's eye. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and he looked himself over.  
>"Not bad, not bad at all…"<p>

Wheatley's awakening was followed by the Morality core. The Morality core simply opened it's violet eyes, sprouted purple hair, donned a purple t-shirt and black pants, and collapsed on the floor, saying nothing.

GLaDOS followed, awakening. Her eyes opened, which were completely black with piercing yellow pupils. She had a pointed chin and black lipstick for some reason. She sprouted a close-cut crop of white hair that hung down to her neck. Her outfit didn't exist, it simply was a white jumpsuit with black boots and gloves. She looked a bit like she was from Tron. She turned her gaze to the Morality core, saying, "See? That's how useful morality is."  
>The space core was next to awaken. It's eyes were a shade of yellow with a hint of orange in them. But there was something else in it's eyes. A spark. A spark of dreaming. Dreaming of space. The mannequin shrunk a bit, sprouting freckles and a snaggletooth. It developed blonde hair that was on the verge of being white. IT donned a orange T-shirt and black pants, and looked itself over. It then burst into happiness, screaming things like "WOO! I'M A PERSON! WITH HANDS! HANDS! THE HANDS HAVE PHALANGES ON THEM! PHALAAAAAAAANGES! I CAN WALK!" The space core demonstrated by walking around. "I COULD GO TO SPACE NOW!"<p>

"Fact: Space does not exist," Said the Fact core, a tall pink-haired man in a lab coat, who looked very well kempt and refined.

The spae core simply blew a raspberry at the mean man.

"Blowing raspberries kills 10 brain cells a second."  
>The space core stopped.<p>

The cake...intelligence…logic… whatever core stood up, shaking his blue hair. He wore a chef's apron over a blue T-shirt and black pants. He stood there, and then went back to rambling the recipe for GLaDOS' crazy cake. He was tossed down a chute into android hell.

The anger core opened it's crimson eyes, looking around solemnly. It wiped the blazing red long hair out of it's eyes, and stepped off the platform, looking the room over. It wore black torn pants, and a torn sleeveless black T-shirt. HE looked very much like a punk overall.

There was silence in the room.

Then the anger core did what he did best.

He went insane, tackling Rick.

"DTF, ATWHCFXN BV42!" It screamed when Rick shoved him off.

"COME AT ME BRO!" yelled Rick, holding his arms out wide. The Anger core obliged, running him over, but Rick countered by kicking him into the wall, and back flipping onto his feet.

As this lengthy fight carried on, Dudeguy looked over the androids, and asked them, "How do you like your new bodies?"  
>Wheatley replied, "You shoulda given us these a looong time ago, mate. Coulda been a great deal more helpful."<br>The Fact core said, "The Fact core is pleased on how unbelievably more handsome he is."  
>The Space core yelled out, "I HAVE HANDS! WITH PHALANGES! SPACE!"<p>

The Curiosity core had already gotten it's prototype body about an hour ago, so it had nothing to say. It was currently running in circles trying to catch the light that the "different" turret was making on the wall while reading all the Greek and Roman lore on a hologram in front of it.

Rick and the Anger core were still at it, so no input from them.

The Morality core said nothing.

Nothing.

At all.

GLaDOS replied, "It's good enough. I don't see the point though.

Every male in the audience took a picture of GlaDOS.

"Oh. Fanservice. I see."

"WOW, that was long. Oh wait, there's still some left…" Said Dudeguy, looking at the bottom of the letter.

"And Rattman...have you checked that room at the beginning of the test tracks?  
>Because he should just be in stasis there (according to the end of the comic,<br>anyway.)"  
>Dudeguy's eyes widened. "That's IT! We're FINALLY gonna get the Rat on the show! YESSS!" Dudeguy did a little fist pump in the air. "Now, who's going to get him while we do the show… Not any of the cores… Rick, maybe.. Nah, he's fighting Anger, and we need that little monster occupied. GLaDOS or the Different turret would just scare the heck outta him…<p>

…

Wheatley, I have a job for you." 

AN: Heck yeah. The next chapter will have a little part about Wheatley going through Aperture to find the old test chamber to find Doug Rattman. But otherwise, keep the ToDs coming! Man, this took forever to write. 2 days in fact. =.= Well, hope you liked it! Review it if you did! *is hit on the head by GlaDOS again* Okay, byeee!


	5. Chapter 5

Wheatley creeped through Aperture Science, in total darkness.

"Oh man alive, I can't see a thing, " he muttered to himself. "If only I had some sort of flashlight…"  
>Wheatley kept walking for a full 10 minutes in the dark.<p>

"OH WAIT! I DO HAVE A FLASHLIGHT! But if I turn it on, I'll die… Wait, 'aven't I used if bef- Oh yeeeah, I 'ave, 'aven't I? Okay, let's give it another go." He strained his eyes for a moment. A clank was heard, and his blue eyes immediately shone bright white, illuminating a path. "Oh! Wonderful! I'm not dead! GLaDOS! Open up the test chamber!"

Various clanks, whirrs and scrapes were heard as the doors opened to a fairly easy test chamber. It was one of the first in the game, so of course it was easy.

"Wow, this one looked hard." Wheatley thought to himself as he struggled to climb up to the window where the scientists were supposed to observe. He reached the ledge, and "hacked" the window, crawling through. He looked around, and spotted it.

It was an old stasis chamber, containing a very dirty and undernourished man with scraggly black hair and an equally scraggly beard. Wheatley tentatively poked a button on the side, and the stasis chamber made a *FSSSSSSSSTCHHH* noise. The man opened his eyes slowly. "What… Huh? Wh… Who are you?" He attempted to stand and failed, falling just before Wheatley caught him.

"No worries mate, you're safe now. Dr… Mouseman, is it?"  
>Dr. Rattman gave Wheatley a contemptuous look.<br>"It's Dr. Rattman."  
>"Oh, sorry mate. Anyways, you're gonna need to come with me."<br>"Huh?" The Rat looked a bit confused.

"I'll explain it to you on the way." Wheatley motioned for him to follow, and Rattman did.

After the whole explanation, the two had almost reached GLaDOS' chamber, when Rattman asked, "Wait.. I'm supposed to sit… in a room… with the same malevolent AI that killed everyone I hold dear, and banished me to the far reaches of my OWN WORKPLACE, and let myself be INTERVIEWED?"

"Uhm…" Wheatley stuttered, "…Yes?"  
>"No. No way will I sit next to that monster."<br>"Okay…"  
>The two entered the room, where Wheatley was immediately tackled by a large pair of breasts.<p>

"EEEEEEEEE OMFGASDFGHJKL ITS WEATLY!"  
>"Erm, that's… Wheatley. And who the hell are you?" Wheatley shoved her off. He looked her up and down. It was the strangest young 12-year old girl he had ever seen. One of her eyes was green, and the other was blue. They changed color every few seconds. It was as if they couldn't make up their minds on which color was the most prettiest. The girl was also wearing<p>

-THIS SECTION OF THIS AWESOME FANFICTION HAS BEEN REDACTED DUE TO THE FACT THAT THIS DESCRIPTION OF THE GIRL'S CLOTHING WAS LONGER THAN 3 PAGES-

She had long wavy rainbow hair and boobs the size of the Titanic. She blinked her eyes asymmetrically and said, "omg Weatly u r soooo sexy even thou r just a lil ball wit a blu eye I 3 u!"

"You…. Greater than 3 me?"  
>"No u sily, I hart u"<br>"What is wrong with your voice?"  
>"Nuthin is sweety!" The girl tackled Wheatley again, kissing him.<p>

"Wheatley, this is Mary Sue Sparkle Amethyst Katniss Dark Ebony Raven Lilly Rose Love Evanescence Justice Blackbird Amber. Or Mary Sue for short. She's my gift to you." GLaDOS turned around and looked at Wheatley being smothered in rainbow kisses. He was screaming.

"HELP ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHE'S CRUSHING MY METAL BONES HELLP!"

GLaDOS chuckled.

"Why, GLaDOS?" Dudeguy asked, looking up from his notes.  
>"I've recently been watching the tapes of my adventures as a potato. I then remembered how much I hate him. So I created the most horrible creature known to man."<br>"What's she made of?"

"Canned meat, lipstick, Justin Bieber CDs, training bras, and a heap of bad writing skills."  
>"…I'm not going to even begin to question how nonsensical that is." Dudeguy went back to his notes. He then noticed Rattman standing there, terrified of seeing GLaDOS again.<p>

"OH! DR. Rattman!" Dudeguy ran over to the man and shook his hand fervently. "Good to see you alive and… not a vegetable."  
>"Darn, there goes 10 bucks." muttered Rick.<p>

"Um… It feels good to…not…be…a vegetable."  
>There was an awkward silence.<p>

"SO, have a seat over there and we'll start the show. Mary, get out of Wheatley's…. just get out."  
>"I'll take care of it." GLaDOS said in a singsong voice as Mary Sue exploded, sending Wheatley hurtling into the wall in the exact same spot he faceplanted last time.<p>

"Okay, on to the first review of the day. From DatReader!" Dudeguy pulled up a hologram from the floor.

"See, this is what happens when the show gets more reviews. We get cooler."  
>" Dat Reader:Yo dude! Here come the ToDs:<p>

GLaDOS - I dare you to see what WheatDOS pairing in fanfic is."  
>"I have, they bore me. Honestly, you people think I, a cold-hearted AI, would fall in love with another moronic AI that tried to kill me, and almost destroyed my facility in the process? Please. It's silly. Plus, once this thing is all over, I'll be sending him back into space."<p>

Wheatley mumbled from under a pile of fangirls, "Yay."

"Oh, that's good?"  
>"Yes."<br>"Then you're going into the room where all the robots scream at you. I will spew confetti into the room every time I make you cry."

"Fact - Do you like pink? "

"Pink is the most manly color, according to American youths."

"Rick - I dare you to fight Chuck Norris, and win."

At the mere thought of this, Rick smiled. "I'm going to take on CHUCK-" At that exact moment, Rick's crotch exploded. The android Rick collapsed, as the core Rick woke up. "Huh? Awww."

"Space - I dare you to be quiet till the end of this chapter. "

"Um, the Space core isn't here. He kinda… built a rocket into space…. And you can guess the rest." Replied Dudeguy sheepishly.

"Morality - Do something! "

"Well finally, someone acknowledges my existence." Said the little purple core, rolling it's eye.

"Oh. My. Farore. You just made the Morality core do something." Dudeguy hit a button, and the song "ROBOTS FTW" played.

"YOU SIR, WIN AN INTERNET!" Dudeguy then gave Dat Reader an internet. It was shiny.

"Chell - I dare you to see what Chelley pairing in fanfic is. "

Dudeguy lent Chell his DSi, the instrument with which he read fanfiction. Chell took it, and searched for the above mentioned pairing. She immediately went red, as she forgot to turn on Profanity Filter.

"Atlas and P-Body - I dare you two to sing "Baby" from  
>Justin Bieber."<br>*ONE SCREECHINGLY HORRID SONG SUNG BY TWO SCREECHY ROBOTS LATER*

"Oh god…. The pain…. The horrible pain…." Dudeguy lay in a fetal position, about the 4th one this week. Atlas and P-Body looked at the carnage they had caused, then simply shrugged and went back to juggling their heads.

"Anger - Falcon Punch Rick. "

"RAWWRCROWN!" Anger aimed. "PRAAAAWRNCH!" He thrust his fist at Rick, making him fly into a random vat of repulsion gel.

"Good thing I don't have a human skeletoglubglubglub."

Dudeguy pulled him out, then let go as Rick ricocheted around the chamber nonstop.

"Wheatley - Do you love Chell?"  
>"Uhm, no, I… Don't think she would even like me anyways. You know, I did try to kill her…" Wheatley looked sheepish, sad and guilty all at the same time.<br>"Dudeguy - Your fic is amazing, seriously, ..!"  
>"…..<p>

This guy is my favorite reviewer. But sadly, we must do the next one, from ParadoxCat."  
>"ParadoxCat: I have a dare for Rattman!This will be really hard,Rattman I dare<br>you to...poke GLaDOS in any form."

"Oh Jesus, really?" Rattman glanced at GLaDOS fearfully. GLaDOS noticed his fear, and whipped around to stare at him. "Boo."

"AGAHWAHGHWGHAA!" Rattman had a mini-seizure, slapping GLaDOS in the face on accident. He then scurried into an air vent and sat there.

"Uhm… Let's just… leave him." Said Dudeguy.

"GLaDOS:"What would you do if you came face-to-face with Gordan Freeman?"  
>"Who?" said GLaDOS, confused.<p>

"He's exactly like Chell, except he fights aliens instead of rogue AI. And he has a crowbar." Replied Dudeguy.

"I don't know." GLaDOS shrugged.

"Different Turret: Speak some more."

"Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift on knowledge to man! He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds! Don't make lemonade! There won't be enough! Her name is Caroline! I'm different! Remember that. Get mad!"  
>"Okay, shut up." Said Rick angrily.<br>"Alright, that's it for ParadoxCat. Next one, from Curtisimo again." Dudeguy unceremoniously pulled out another hologram and played it.

"Alright, I came up with some more.

Wheatley (when you get back) "hack" GLaDOS' voice box so whenever she talks,  
>it sounds like someone who breathed in helium."<br>"Heheheh." Wheatley walked into a room out of GlaDOS' reach. GlaDOS had no idea what was going on.

"Where'd the moron go?"  
>"I AM NOT A MORON!"<p>

"Oh, there he is. Get out of THEeeeeeeere!"

Everyone laughed.

"What did you do to me you little idiot!"

"I hacked your voice box!" Wheatley said giggling, pulling a piece of shrapnel out of his head.

"Oh, I am going to KILL you!"

"Chell: hug it out with GLaDOS."  
>Chell was silent. For once, she looked a bit off. GLaDOS also the other way nervously.<br>"Come on, you two. You know you need it." Dudeguy said.

"Oh…. Finehere." GLaDOS quickly ran up to Chell and hugged her tightly, and then swerved around to walk back to her seat, but Chell stopped her.  
>"What is it?"<br>Chell said nothing as always, but brought GLaDOS into a warm hug. GLaDOS was surprised at first, but slowly brought her arms around Chell. Everyone cheered. Seriously, GlaDOS putting aside her pride was like Wheatley understanding Machiavelli.  
>"GLaDOS: here's a missile. Go shoot it at something. Don't ask where I got it. Let's just say a certain zombie in a pit won't be un-living anymore..."<br>GLaDOS quickly pulled away from the hug and took the missile, running off, laughing maniacally. A few minutes later, Black Mesa was wiped off the map.

"Rick: relay the epic adventure of stealing Dudeguy's keyboard."

"Well, first I had to fight off his security system. Of ninjas. Dinosaurs. Dino-ninjas. With hats. Hatted Dino-ninjas. From the future. Hatted Dino-ninjas from the future with laser rifles. I was all like 'HAH-CHOW!' and 'WAH-CHA' and '!' I owned all dem ladies, and took the keyboard."

Dudeguy rolled his eyes, as did everyone else.

"Anger core: in a massive act of terrorism, bomb the entire production line for  
>the core-bots, then kill the ones that were already produced."<p>

The anger core immediately said something that sounded like something Taz would say, and became a tornado, ripping through the mannequin production line.

"I don't like core-bot fanfics."

"…Apparently not. But hey, you don't control it, so ha. But, I'd also prefer they be in their original character forms."

"Space: what's above you?"

"SPAAAAAACE!" 

The Space core crashed into Wheatley, knocking him 3 feet deep into the ground.

"…Why always me…?"

Space: what has stars in it?  
>"MY ALPHABET SOUP- I mean SPACE!"<br>"Space: what, when properly spelled, has at least five As in it?"  
>"Oh, um, I got this one, uh. Lessee… S..P..AAAAACE!"<p>

Space: what doesn't exist? *snicker*  
>"Aliens. Space is space, so space exists. Spacespace."<br>"GLaDOS: put a slice of cake on a plate, and hand it to Rattman."  
>GLaDOS did so grudgingly, handing it up to Rattman.<br>Rattman: what is the cake?  
>"DELICIOUS!"<br>"Chell: learn sign language."  
>Chell shook her head no.<br>"Chell: *hands chell tape recorder, three tapes and three pairs of ear muffs*  
>alright, these tapes have the following paradoxes on them; Fact: this is not a<br>fact, I never lie. I am lieing., and the classic, THISSENTENCEISFALSE!"  
>You have three one-use earmuffs. Give them to one robot, and play a tape."<br>Repeat until finished."

Dudeguy interjected, "Okay, uhm, gotta put in here. I'm not going to kill off anyone."

"GLaDOS: launch fact into space."  
>GLaDOS did so because Dudeguy was too tired and last to put in a really good description.<br>"Fact: where are you?"

"12 12 12 12 12 12.."

"Cave Johnsons recordings: how many of you exist?"  
>Vegeta's voice answered, "OVER 9000!"<p>

"And good work, sir, Finally, someone notices that I'm in this thing too."  
>"Alright, I'm tapped.<p>

Curtisimo - SAD and depressed. Oh joy."

"Okay, I really need to get some sleep, so I'm gonna just go ahead and do this last one." Dudeguy said a bit crankily.

" FeeptheNinja:Hiiiii GLaDOS～ *hugs forcefully* :D"  
>"Get off me." GLaDOS shook the ninja off her body.<p>

"Truth: Chell- Do you still like Wheatley? As a friend? Jus' wondering..."

Chell looked away. She was unsure. Woah. Did I just read her mind? FORGET BEING THE NARRATOR!  
>"*narrows eyes at Wheatley* {oh- and, Wheats? I've seen those WheatDOS fics.<br>All I'm saying is, you wanna stay in the realm of the living, then YOU DO NOT  
>TOUCH MY GLaDOS. GOT. IT?}"<br>"Wha-? Didn't she already go over this?" Wheatley was utterly confused. Nobody else was.

"GLaDOS: WHY DID YOU STOP MANGLING WHEATLEY. THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS TO IGNORE  
>DUDEGUY. AND CONTINUE. ENTHUSIASTICALLY. :C"<br>"Because he has my blueprints for my next project, which is the only reason I haven't kille everyone in this room."

"Wheatley: Sorry. But I sorta hated you after the initial escape plan."  
>Wheatley replied sadly, "Uh.. Yeah, that's the most popular reaction I get… Yeah… Sorry.."<p>

So- On a scale of one to two billion, three-hundred-sixty-five million,  
>four-hundred-ninety-nine thousand and seven, how fast would you run if I came<br>after you with a rancid tub of mayonnaise, a live lobster, a rubber chicken, a  
>tuning fork, and a bucket of squid?"<br>"0, because I can't run."

"Curiosity: eeeee you are so adorable～ Do you /like/ to ask questions? Or is  
>it just part of your programming?"<br>"Why?"  
>"Oh no not again." Dudeguy covered his ears.<p>

"Dares:

Chell- I challenge you to... uh. um. *thinks* ::okay, what won't get me killed  
>horribly... ah!:: I CHALLENGE YOU TO RUN A PARKOUR COURSE WITH ME. :D"<p>

"Wheatley: Thou must go bungee jumping. Over... THE PIT OF FIRE 7:D"  
>Wheatley was immediately fastened to a bungee cord, and kicked off the edge.<p>

"Hey, no need to be pushy ma-! AAAAAHAAAAA! HELP MEEEE!" The little ball was bouncing up and down over a large pit of fire. Even though he was fireproof, it was still terrifying.

"GLaDOS: Hmmm. How-how's a-b-b-bouuuut- *fizzle* *twitch* *collapses with happy  
>grin on face*<p>

→Oracion: What's she thinking about?

→Pikachu: Trust me. You don't want to know. All you /need/ to know is:  
>GLaDOS would likely never willingly participate in the act Feep is currently<br>imagining rather enthusiastically.

→Oracion: 0.o That would explain the dazed grin.

→Pikachu: T_T yes. It does.

Me: *snaps out of daze* *deep blush* U-uh, maybe I'll skip that one... heh..."  
>GLaDOS, if she had hands, would have done the ultimate facepalm.<p>

"STUPID STATEMENTS:

Chell- I KNOW WHERE THE CAKE IS

HERE'S SOME DIRECTIONS 8D

GLaDOS: GUESS WHAT

SOMEONE DREW A NYAN CAT YOU

HERE'S DIRECTIONS TO HIS/HER HOME

Wheatley: JUST IMAGINE THIS.

•DEAD SALMON, TWO TEN-YARD ROPES, A ROCK, A HARD PLACE, A BATHROBE, A BARREL  
>OF MOLASSES, A SCORPION, A MICROWAVE. the punishment will begin"<br>Everyone's reaction: o.o

"Oh, and GLaDOS? I /like/ you.

/Like/ you.

:3"  
>"Yes, I sort of figured/ that out." GLaDOS rolled her one eye.

"Naaaaargh. Okay, that's all I have the finger strength for tonight. See you next time. Naaaaargh, where's mah peelz? Mah allergee peelz…" Dudeguy shuffled off.

The screen faded to black as "ROBOTS FTW" played. ( Look it up. Funnest song ever. I dance to it regularly.)


End file.
